The Value of Having Difficult Conversations

DO I REALLY NEED TO HAVE THAT DIFFICULT CONVERSATION?

We’ve all been there.

You’ve really got to talk to your office manager about completing projects.

You’re noticing an employee has a pattern of being late. And others are noticing, too.

A teacher is challenging you publicly in meetings.

One staff member is negatively impacting the moral of her peers.

Your custodian is not attending to safety measures.

And the list goes on.

It’s human nature to avoid the unpleasant. As leaders, we don’t want to break down that already challenging relationship, right?

Consider this: What are the consequences of NOT having that difficult conversation? Continued frustration on your part, possibly others on your staff, and continued violation of the norms.

But what if that temporary discomfort yielded long-term benefits?

BENEFITS FOR THE LEADER

Resolving issues in the workplace isn’t just a nice-to-have recommendation from human resources. It’s a prime opportunity to grow. For you and your employee.

It turns out that while we dread getting into difficult situations with our employees, most instances of conflict have surprising benefits. There is data that shows dealing with difficulty in the workplace actually influences growth.

And once you’ve rolled up your sleeves and taken a deep breath and actually had that conversation, the relief is palpable. You’ve brought an issue that has been festering into the open and begun the process to resolve it. That is definitely a good feeling, even if you did develop a little sweat in the process.

Dealing with these challenging conversations can actually yield big benefits for you as a leader. Once you gain confidence in conducting these discussions, you build an important leadership skill. You also enhance your growth mindset, knowing that you CAN deal with obstacles. And speaking of obstacles, these experiences actually help you get better at anticipating future roadblocks.

There’s another benefit to gaining skill in difficult conversations: developing a thick skin. Being the leader isn’t always the most fun, and while you are often the target of criticism, you have to work hard to not take things personally. Or at least limit the impact that criticism has on your mindset.

It can sometimes feel like a dark cloud when you dwell on the inappropriate actions your staff is taking and this can overtake your efforts and crowd out all the good things going on, all the positive things folks might be saying.

But as human beings, we tend to focus on the outliers, the people not doing the right things or acting out negatively. Instead, by learning to deal with the difficult quickly and skillfully, a leader gains room to stay focused on the positive things, things that people that are working well.

In your role as a leader, conducting hard conversations models for others that having productive conflict is a good thing. For teams, it’s critical that members welcome different opinions, thoughts, and ideas. It also demonstrates that you have the courage to step up and respectfully handle those situations that require a firmer hand.

Communicating clear expectations in not micromanaging. It’s empowering.

BENEFITS FOR THE EMPLOYEE

And what about the employee who is not acting responsibly? When you neglect to discuss issues with employees, you are giving them permission to carry on. This makes you complicit in their actions.

Your employee deserves honesty from you. They deserve to hear, clearly and respectfully, the issue that you are observing. This is the point in the conversation where you must be very clear about expectations. What is the expected behavior you want to see? What does it look like? When do you want to see it? Without this clarity, you have only communicated your view of what they were doing wrong. This is often interpreted incorrectly and as a result, ignored.

Most importantly, employees deserve the opportunity to correct their behavior. As Brene Brown says, Clear is Kind. Before the situation progresses to the point of no return, your employees deserve the chance to improve. And quite honestly, a respectful, yet clearly stated expectation helps to grow your relationships. You open up the opportunity to find out what is behind the actions of the employee who now understands and hopefully respects your perspective.

THE POWER OF HARD CONVERSATIONS

The next time you hesitate to have that difficult conversation, remember this: Communicating clear expectations is not micro-managing, it’s empowering. For both you and your employee.

In essence, having difficult conversations and navigating unpredictable situations as a leader needn’t be feared; it’s an opportunity to grow as an individual, a member of a team, and a resilient contributor to an organization unafraid of challenges and change.